THE INNER CHILD
- The inner child is an ACTIVE SUBPERSONALITY
- MISGUIDED LOYALTY of the inner child
- HEALING THE INNER CHILD
- Essential study of related books
- Related study
People with persistent problems such as addiction, depression, troubled relationships and chronic dissatisfaction can transform their lives with Inner Child Work and find a new joy and energy in living.
The source of their problems can be in past events which get triggered in the present. We’re made up of many parts and inside we still have the little child and adolescent we were with all its experiences and feelings. This can lead to this Inner Child / adolescent part of us reacting strongly to certain experiences and situations and the feelings we’re having in the present can be the feelings of this little child / adolescent from the past, it is a reactive phenomena . The process of opening to the world of you Inner Child and getting to know where these feelings come from can change that and enhance your choices in miraculous ways.
Carl Jung called it the “Divine Child” and Emmet Fox called it the “Wonder Child.” Some psychotherapists call it the “True Self” and Charles Whitfield called it the “Child Within”.
The Inner Child refers to that part of each of us which is ultimately alive, The Inner Child is the emotional self. It is where our feelings live. When we experience joy, sadness, anger, fear, or affection our Child Within is coming out. When we are being playful, spontaneous, creative, intuitive and surrendering to the spiritual self, our Genuine Authentic Self, who we know deep within us, our Real Self is being welcomed and encouraged to be present. We all have an inner child and the wounds our inner child received can and do continue to contaminate our adult lives. Our parents helped create this Inner Child part of us, society also helped with the creation. When this child self is not allowed to be heard or even acknowledged as being real, a false or co-dependent self emerges. We begin to live our lives as victims.
Allow this child to come out and be loved. Only when we healed the past of our inner child and embrace it fully, then can we move forward in our life.
The inner child is an active psychological subpersonality that is characterized by some of the following symptoms:
- Infantile emotional repertoire
- Emotional and attention seeking unnecessary dramas
- Hurt emotions
- Intense loyalty to family of birth
- Childlike relationships
- Behavioral disorders
- Psychological disorders
- Cognitive disorders
- Learning difficulties
If we imagine the mind to be a mansion, then the inner child keeps us locked up in a small wing of the building, preventing our access to more expansive, deeper, and adult experiences.
The inner child is an ACTIVE SUBPERSONALITY
Until healed, the hurt inner child is an active subpersonality that can exert a subconscious influence over the individual's holistic experience and behaviour:
If present in an individual, then this personality disorder needs to be healed and dissolved, otherwise it can sabotage the individual's successful adult development and experience.
"I defend the attitudes and opinions of my upbringing, even though some of these values are harmful and damaging to myself and others."
- The misguided loyalty of the inner child.
Our inner child has a very strong and instinctual loyalty towards our parents and the attitudes, values, and opinions that they believed in. This loyalty arises from the realisation that the child is totally dependent upon the adults of it's 'tribe' for its survival, and also the juvenile heart chakra love that a child experiences towards it's parents - "my parents cannot be wrong." It's the same kind of loyalty that a soldier has for it's Nation. It is a blind and robotic response. It prevents real growth and maturity. Most groups, and the family is no exception, expect total collusion (agreement) to the group mind which includes obedience and unquestioned loyalty to the leaders. Subjects - none leaders - are often left with no option but to "take up the party line" - to completely collude with the dynamics and politics of the situation - in fear of alienation, ridicule, chastisement, and other forms of punishment. Within infantile groups, disagreement is experienced as a threat to the supremacy of the leaders, is seen as disobedience to any infantile social order.
This loyalty is an obstacle on the path of healing because we cannot begin to really challenge and sort out our own attitudes, values, and opinions towards life, if the inner child is still actively defending it's loyalty towards the conditioned personality. The child's loyalty can be so strong and unconditional (afterall it is an expression of it's heart chakra love) that we can defend behaviors and opinions that we should really be challenging and dropping. Just as the soldier will unconditionally follow orders that are contrary to real humanistic behavior, so too will the inner child defend it's learned behaviors and family loyalties.
Problems arise when the learned behaviors are contrary to living a happy life, and this is the reason that we need to do something about it. Unchallenged inner child loyalty can severely reduce the quality and type of relationships that we can have with life, it can damage and restrict our repertoire of behavioral responses.
As adults, we will find it very difficult to change - to not act robotically from the conditioned personality - if our inner child is in charge of the show. This is why we need to gradually dissolve the pains, conflicts, and confusions of our inner child, so that we can challenge our conditioned personality and choose our own behavior patterns. When we heal our inner child, then we gain mental and emotional freedoms from the robotic and conditioned personality.
Breaking through this barrier of the loyalty of the inner child can be a painful and upsetting experience because of the disappointment and confusion that the child really feels towards itself and it's family, but it must be done if we are to become true and independent adults with our own minds.
In reality, we are rescuing our inner child, and thus our developing adult, from allegiance's to behaviors and attitudes that can often be harmful to ourselves and others.
If we want our true adult independence, then we need to dissolve the blind loyalty of the inner child. Only then can we begin to really construct our own mental, emotional and physical structures.
We can start this by practicing THE TECHNIQUES OF HELM. These techniques will enable us to free ourselves from the dictates of our learned behavior and also to establish a mature and adult relationship with our parents. We can be truly independent of our conditioning. We free ourselves from blind and unchallenged loyalty to our upbringing and it's values. We gain mental and emotional clarity, which helps us to form our own attitudes and opinions concerning the aspect and expressions of the seven chakras - the human mind.
"The sins of the Fathers and NOT PASSED ON to the ninth generation."
WE BREAK OUR CONDITIONING and thus help life.
HEALING THE INNER CHILD
If, we were were children, we failed to complete a successful imprint on a suitable mother/father figure, then the inner child will subconsciously motivate us to attempt to complete this failed stage of development.
We might find ourselves subconsciously imitating substitute mother/father figures.
This can lead to possible dangerous situations in our adult life as the inner child complex exerts a subconscious force that pushes into seeking out adult role models. If we are consciously seeking adult role models to complete this stage (consciously healing our lives) then we can control our behaviour. If we are unconscious of this inner motivation then we may end up being inexplicably rejected from social situations and/or being used, manipulated, exploited, and abused.
The inner child may motivate us to put our trust in an unworthy adult role model.
If we think we might have a problem with our inner child complex then we must seek professional assistance to heal it and remove unwanted subconscious motivations that interfere with the development of a holistically healthy adult life.
Buy a soft cuddly toy that represents your inner child
A very popular and successful technique to help us heal our hurt inner child is to buy a soft cuddly toy that you can easily hold to your chest (heart chakra).
When you want to do some inner child healing, then lovingly cuddle your soft cuddly toy to your heart chakra, think of the suffering that you experienced in your childhood and adolescence, think or say loving affirmations to your inner child:
- I love you so much [your name]
- I acknowledge all the suffering that you experienced and I am going to remove all that hurt from you by purifying you with my heart chakra
- I love you unconditionally. We all make mistakes. Let us forgive ourself and others for all the horrible things that happened when you were a child and adolescence
STILL UNDER CONSTRUCTION
Essential Books to Study
Note: If, due to sales, the Amazon links do not direct you to the correct page, then simply type in the title and author of the book into the Amazon search box.
- Bradshaw, John: Homecoming - Reclaiming and championing your inner child. ISBN-13: 978-0749910549
- Bradshaw, John: Healing the Shame That Binds You (Recovery Classics). ISBN-13: 978-0757303234
- Bradshaw, John: Family Secrets: The Path to Self-Acceptance and Reunion. ISBN-13: 978-0553374988
- Capacchione: Dr. Lucia: Recovery of Your Inner Child. ISBN-13: 978-0671701352
- Miller, Alice: The Drama of Being a Child : The Search for the True Self. ISBN-13: 978-1860491016
- Miller, Alice: For Your Own Good: The Roots of Violence in Child-Rearing. ISBN-13: 978-0860688990
- Forward, Dr. Susan: Toxic Parents; Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life. ISBN-13: 978-0553814828
- Bradshaw on: The family, ISBN 1-55874-427-4
- Emotional Intelligence: Daniel Goleman: ISBN 0-7475-2830-6
- breaking free of the co-dependency trap: Janae B. Weinhold, phd and Barry K. Weinhold, phd (ISBN 0-913299-49-9)
- the flight from intimacy: healing your relationship of counter-dependency (the other side of co-dependency)": Janae B. Weinhold, phd and Barry K. Weinhold, phd (ISBN 978-1-57731-605-3)