Respect - Understanding - Appreciation - Like - CARE - love
Love - A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness. Corinthians 13:4-7: Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love can only be oceanic; it cannot be small. It cannot be small because it cannot be a closed phenomenon. It is an open, wide sky. Love knows no limitations.
Love is not attachment. Love is not possessiveness. When love becomes possessive and love becomes attachment it is no more love; it is simply a corpse. The bird has flown; now you are only carrying an empty cage, howsoever decorated. It may be golden, studded with diamonds, but the bird is no more there, the song is no more there.
This is one of the most fundamental qualities of love: it is always greater than the lover and the beloved. It is greater than you. You disappear in it. It is not like a thing that you can manipulate; it is a mystery in which you are lost. You become a drop; it is the ocean. And great courage is needed for the drop to disappear into the ocean. To know love and its oceanic experience is to know God.
Where love is not present, life is hell
The moment our selfish desirous attachment (selfish possessiveness) appears, then instantanously love also is hidden. This is well expressed by this Yoga Sutra.
We are free to be loving in a wise, mature, and adult way, Once we have mastered the part of our mind that generates endless selfish desires and aversion. "There is no worse a bondage than hatred and no greater freedom than love." Love is crucially and supremely important for a healthy, happy, meaningful, and peaceful life. Love is the supreme order from God to each Soul. Love, Love, Love, sweet dear love.
The essence of love is to respect life and care for it. We cannot experience love without care. To care is to make the first step towards love.
Love supports, love nurtures, love brings the juice and the joy to life. Love brings appreciation, respect, care, kindness, meaning, happiness, and peace. Life without love is a sorrowful, terrifying, and ugly experience.
If you want to find life's meaning, then learn LoveWisdomGoodness: honoring, respecting, and enjoying the heart.
Love is understanding. Love requires respect. Love acts for the well being of all.
We have two overriding modes of holistic behavior: Love and Fear.
One symptom of fear is hatred.
We become so afraid of that which is different to our own and known world view that we attack as a form of defense. Hatred is just a symptom of fear and xenophobia (the fear of that which is different to our world-view).
Love should be given via care, appropriately, respectfully, with consideration for others, without attachment, and without the expectation of anything in return.
POSSESSIVENESS IS NOT LOVE
When love is not present then life gets unpleasant!
What happens? We fall in love, the beginning is blissful freedom and mutual nourishment, then fear arises, the fear of losing the other and when fear arises then love is hidden, love is no more present, the fear of loss makes us grasp at the object of our love, to grasp tightly through fear of loss, this grasping is called selfish desirous attachment, thus love is hidden by the attachment and the relationship becomes unpleasant and poisonous.
The other person becomes a possession, a possession which we begin to fear losing. In our fear of possible loss we become insecure about our relationship. When we become insecure our thoughts and behavior change and often as reaction to our fear of loss we begin to tighten our grip and seek more control over the other person. We become suspicious of the behavior of the other person, we worry about them straying when we are not around, we may even sabotage other relationships that they have with long time friends and even family in the name of “love” which really is in the name of attachment and our fear of loss.
We can not possess another person; we can not control another person in a relationship without the relationship eventually coming to a breaking point just as the egg does when the grip is too strong.
I think it is important to note that this form of attachment in relationships is exasperated by our culture. Consider this, when we enter a relationship, fall in love and begin to feel attachment, our culture encourages us to brand each other in some way. We announce our exclusivity to the world by labeling each other as boyfriend or girlfriend. We quickly evolve to branding with an engagement ring which is a traditional way in Western culture to proclaim to each other and the world that the relationship has reached a new level of commitment and an intention to marry. While the engagement ring in a healthy relationship is a wonderful symbol, many times the engagement ring is used to protect our attachment by saying to the world back off, this one is mine! We even have a label for each other as we introduce or speak about our betrothed, we find ourselves using the label fiancé. When engaged couples are introducing there intended to other people they are often heard to say, “This is my fiancé”, note the key words here are MY and FIANCE both of which communicate our attachment.
In many ways culturally we are somewhat predisposed to form attachments in our relationships. In the end though, it often this very form of attachment that is the undoing of many a relationship.
Love is patient and kind
Love is not jealous or boastful
Love is not arrogant or rude
Love does not insist on its own way
Love is not irritable or resentful
Love does not rejoice at wrong
Love rejoices in the right, the virtuous, the good, and the wise
When we keep our palm open and allow the other person to feel free, there is no inclination to stray, to run to find their freedom, because they feel free. When we wall a person in and make them feel like a prisoner within our relationship the person does what most prisoners do, they long for freedom and are more inclined to act in ways that express that freedom when they see the opportunity to do so. The sad thing that happens to the person who feels as though they are imprisoned in a possessive relationship is that if they are in that situation long enough, even when the gate is left open they will stay within their prison because they do not feel worthy of freedom or because they fear freedom for freedom is no longer a comfortable place. This is why many people remain in what appears to be a controlling, unhealthy relationship.
Remember today to love each other and in loving each other know that you cannot control another nor be controlled by the love of another. Be thankful for the love you experience and accept that love will remain as long as it wants to and if it goes away that you are thankful for the time it was with you.
In your relationships always be the “open hand” where you give and receive love freely, without conditions. May your heart be the safe harbor for the other people in your life to come to.
If you love somebody then set them free...and if they truly love you then they will return to you...that is the only way to do it. Then you will know and whatever the outcome you will be at peace with it.
CREATING THE FOUNDATIONS FOR LOVE
I believe that the greatest lesson for us to learn is how to love life (with balance, goodness, and wisdom), others, and have some appreciation for the source of all life (whatever you think that is).
We are all learning about love. Here are some attitudes to nurture so that love can make an appearance in your heart, mind, and life:
- Replacing vice (unhealthy and damaging attitudes) with virtue (healthy and life-affirming attitudes)
- Care and Consideration: Overcome the selfish need "to be loved" and learn how to consider and care for others
- Respect: We cannot love without first respecting ourself and others
- Loving me, loving you: We must learn to love ourself in a healthy and balanced way so that we can love others in the same manner
- Empathy and Compassion: the quality of understanding the suffering of others and wanting to help them overcome it
- Like and Warmth: Essential building blocks for love
- Listening and Understanding: Learn to listen to and understand others. There is no real love without attempting to understand others
- Wisdom, Discrimination, and Appropriateness: In the beginning when our love is embryonic, small, tender, and fragile, we need to respect our limitations and be wise about how and when we may express our love
- Tolerance: Not everybody will share your enthusiasm to embody LoveWisdomGoodness. We must respect the wishes of others and tolerate their unpleasant behaviour if we cannot directly escape from it. We should not aim to tolerate intolerable situations and this is where wisdom and discrimination are essential - to act appropriately to the situation
- Assertion and self-defence: We need to be able to successfully assert ourselves in social situations so that we do not become a victim of abuse and exploitation. Many people will try to take advantage of a helpful, good, and loving person
- Forgiveness: The master key to maintaining loving relationships
Unconditional Love versus Universal Conditional Love
A necessary article indeed!
As I see it, Unconditional love cannot work and only ends in tears, upset, and being abused, used, and exploited by egotistical "all about me" people. It appears to me to be an infantile mistaken approach. It is an attempt to help us overcome our social conditionings that can cause great problems in successful social interactions and relationships.
The conditions for successful universal conditional love I am trying to identifying as:
- Mutual respect
- Humility over pride (obstinate defensive egotistical pride destroying the ability to learn)
- Openness and willingness to learn
- Diplomatic honesty
- Necessity to try our hardest to understand the other (to put oneself in the others place and try to understand their perceptions, views, opinions, beliefs - workings of heart and mind)
- Ability to self-calm or willingness to learn how to self-calm
- Development of empathy, compassion, and intelligence driven discernment - evolving wisdom
- Necessity to want to holistically "know thyself" - at the very least, in body, mind, emotion, conditioning, damage and hurt, belief, and behaviour.
- Ego free mutually beneficial, benevolent cooperation and sharing of ideas and feelings concerning honest self inspection, not taking our "personality personally" (thus being able to change it)
- Crucial necessity of forgiveness through understanding
- Valuing the other, so that friendships can sustain disagreement, all the usual mis-perceptions, mistakes and resulting negative and hostile outbursts.
- Knowing when to stop, identifying, acknowledging, and understanding when obstacles and differences are too great to bridge - disconnection, letting go...
- Understanding the obstacles to true friendship.
- Emotional intelligence
- Self respect, healthy boundaries, healthy assertive skills
- The necessity of respecting our right to change our mind concerning our relationship with others (many people get stuck here and put up with things that they do not have to)
To be updated...