The pure function of sex is about making babies
The spiritually correct relationship to sex is to remember that, although it is a lovely and pleasurable experience, it is about making sweet babies. Therefore, sex should not be the central bonding between you and your partner. Heart Center Love is the central bonding, sex is a nice addition and is ultimately about making a family.
All other relationships to sex are simply cleverly disguised selfish lust.
Sexual activity is perfectly healthy, wholesome and good as long as we remember the following guidelines:
- Non-guilt and Non-shame.
- Love, Respect, and Right Conduct.
- The Right Use of Energy.
- Hygiene and Diet.
- Selflessness and Joyful Giving.
Other topics covered in this section are:
- Self Pleasuring?
- Erotic Images and Pornography.
- Celibacy? What is the Real Meaning of Brahmacharaya?
"Do unto others what you would have done unto yourself." For it is The One in all that we all are expressions of. It is very important to be harmless in life, especially within the arena of sexual activity, because if approached properly, sex can be a beautiful, loving, and life-affirming experience. On the other hand, if approached with the wrong attitude it can be a selfish, violent, disrespectful, and damaging perversion of a possibly wonderful, loving, and deeply moving experience.
To be appropriate is to consider others and possible outcomes of our actions, and these are expressions of a functioning heart chakra. We gain some mastery over the lower self when we open the heart chakra and the lower chakras (base, second, third) become purified and subordinated to the appropriateness of the heart chakra. This means that we stop performing activities that are not an expression of Universal Love for All Beings. We learn to consider how our thoughts, desires, and activities will effect the lives of others.
It is also worth remembering that sex is really a very simple function concerned with reproduction, but there is unnecessary confused, glamour and ego orientated mental and emotional human additions to this simple activity. This stems from ignorance and miseducation concerning sex. It also relates to untrained, unacknowledged and ignorant attitudes concerning second chakra energy.
A big problem that we may experience with the second chakra energy - identification with pleasure bringing activities - is addiction to these experiences. Addiction to the energy of the second chakra can cause many problems for ourselves and our relationships with others. We can easily become narrow-minded and selfish concerning our access to pleasure. We can get very attached to those things that bring us pleasure. We can get obsessed with our desires (one of the second chakra expressions) and they can rule our lives, we can get dragged down into the lower self and forget about our higher self.
Guilt can be appropriate or non-appropriate. Appropriate guilt is when we know by our own conscience and morality that we have thought or acted in way which is harmful to ourselves and to others. If we are clear that our actions are not harmful to ourselves or others, then we should not feel guilt. Guilt about sex is a learned behavior, a conditioned response generally from childhood or some other influential part of our life. Sex is as natural an activity as eating. Problems occur when confusion arises concerning the expression of sex, not just the activity itself, but also studying it and communicating about it.
Many learned guilt responses stem from the Oedipus and Electra complex, where the innocent child's second chakra opens and connects with the opposite gender parent. Many families deal with this phase by instilling guilt, fear and shame into the child, because the family does not know how to deal with this sudden flowering and expression of the second chakra in the child. The parent's get afraid and angry about the child's behavior and the child gets confused, distressed, and shamed. This is very unfortunate and THE TECHNIQUES OF HELM can show us how to deal with this stage successfully for all concerned. The damaging and shaming of a person's sexual energy and expression can have very seriously negative effects on an individual's life. It can lead to mental, emotional, and physical illness. It can lead to a life of misery and pain. It can lead to sexual perversity and abuse. It is well to remember this.
HELM helps us to avoid these unnecessary conditions.
It is essential to nurture these qualities in regards to our sexuality and, as ever, we begin by nurturing these qualities within our own being first. Then we can express these things to our partners. Sex takes on a wonderful, wholesome nature when we learn to nurture and integrate love and respect for ourselves and others. Our sexuality becomes healthy and joyful.
Tuning into the second chakra. If you can appropriately express sexuality in your sensuality then you can heal and integrate the second chakra.
Right conduct is concerned with ethics, morality, and health.
Another important consideration is - "What is our motivation for our thoughts and deeds?" Are we behaving selfishly and egotistically or are we bringing happiness into the lives of others? This is a consideration we may be wise to make in reference to our sexual activity.
For people who are caught in the lower self (life experienced only through the base, second, and third chakra consciousness), sex may become elevated to the pinnacle human achievement and experience. This is because the higher chakras and their expressions remain ignored, resisted, and blocked. We often get stuck in the lower self because of the influences in childhood and other important relationships.
As with the expression and connection of all the other chakras of the Mind, we can choose to express our sexual energy in a selfish or non-selfish way. It is well to remember that "as we reap, so shall we sow." If we go around being selfish, then the world will gradually diminish the repertoire of relationships that we can experience with it. Selfishness leads to unhappiness.
When we love our partners then we often express this in our love making. Ultimately, sexual activity functions to create children and start families. There is no need for sex to be the main anchor in our partnership relationships, infact evidence shows that relationships that are based around sex rarely last long. We need something more. We need to know how to love. There are other ways to connect with life in meaningful ways.
Personal hygiene is essential for self-respect and other respect. Considering others is a first movement away from selfish egoism and we can begin this in our lovemaking Always wash and clean your body before lovemaking Why not take a romantic bath or shower together? You can make washing an intimate part of your lovemaking
Our bodies are primarily built upon the types of foodstuff that we put into them. Unnatural, heavily refined foods and added chemicals and sugars are not good for our bodies and also effect the taste and quality of our sex organs. It is wise to consider the quality of that which we are 'presenting' to our lover!
The natural taste of healthy sex fluids is sweet, arousing and pleasant to our partner. My advice is to eat a simple diet of organic fruit and vegetables and other natural foodstuffs. Avoid refined foods and added refined sugars.
Give and so you receive. Approach any task with selfishness and suffering will be the outcome. When we learn to give with happiness and joy, then the energy of love begins to flow through us and we can give more! When we want to give and do so with love, then we all feel the difference.
Learning about selflessness with our lover can really be a great practice and affirmation for our practices in other areas of our lives.
The manner and style in which we approach making love is reflected in all other arenas of our lives. When the second chakra becomes sweet, happy, and loving, then the other chakras begin to follow this pattern.
"As within, so without", "As above, so below."
There is nothing wrong about naturally relieving yourself of sexual tension but problems can arise when an individual feels unable to experience normal and natural social and sexual relationships.
Moderate masturbation is a perfectly natural way to relieve yourself of sexual tension and no guilt, shame, or bad feelings should be attached to it. As we begin to nurture and develop healthy, social, and sexual relationships then hopefully we should have no more need to have solitary sexual experiences. However, a person who has social problems and feels unable to create and develop healthy, social, and sexual relationships can become unhappily addicted to masturbation and solitary sexual experiences. This problem can lead to emotional distress, increased feelings of; self-dislike, frustration, desperation, loneliness, isolation, discomfort, guilt, shame, personality disorder, emotional disorder, mental disorder, and depression.
Self pleasuring is another, more humanistic term for masturbation. There is so much confusion concerning the questions - is it right or is it wrong? Firstly, we must know and experience our own sexual organs and functions, and it is common sense and wise to begin with ourselves first. We wouldn't want a typist to perform our dental surgery would we? And the same applies to sex. We need to form a good and wholesome relationship with ourselves before we can communicate that to another.
Evidence suggests that after preliminary self exploration, masturbation can be disturbing and damaging to our holistic health because of the energetic consequences: physical, mental, and emotional disturbances, imbalances in the system that can upset and damage our constitution. We definitely don't want this to happen. Instead it is far wiser to cultivate our sexuality. Knowledge is power - the power to be good, healthy, and happy.
So much unnecessary guilt and shame is programmed into young adults concerning their self pleasuring activity and this negativity concerning sex can only lead to corruption, shame, and perversity concerning this natural function and expression of being human. Negativity is no good. We need to education. We all need to know the correct and healthy ways to live all aspects of our life. If you are a parent then be a good parent and help your children through this difficult time - don't make their lives even more difficult by avoiding responsibility during their adolescence. Buy these books or similar and be helpful - please.
It is healthier and wiser to form a good relationship with our sexuality, applying the guidelines of Harmlessness (ahmisa), Appropriateness, Morality and Continence, Non-addiction, Non-guilt and Non-shame, Love, Right Conduct, Respect, Correct Motivation, and Right Relationship and Use of Energy.
Like any other form of pleasurable second chakra energy, there is always the danger of becoming addicted to the activity, this is very common.
Again, it is worth remembering that sexual activity is about loving our partners and bringing a new life into the world. Problems can arise with self-pleasuring if it begins to replace a real sexual relationship and partnership with the opposite sex. Selfishness may arise which can only lead to misery. Our energies may become narcissistic and completely self-orientated. Repeated and addictive masturbation can severely reduce our chances of getting on with the opposite sex because we can easily disturb ourselves and cause an energetic imbalance, which resonates in our mental / emotional / physical bodies.
"It takes two to tango - properly." Healthy, loving, happy, and aware lovemaking is the preferred expression of human sexual energy.
There are also energetic problems with repeated masturbation. In men, the body invests highly in the seminal fluids, enriching them with protein, vitamins and minerals taken from every organ in the body. Thus, repeated masturbation leeches the body of its vitality and goodness. In Ayurveda, they inform us that a habit of masturbation leads to a vata imbalance, the symptoms of which are increased dryness, nervousness, and mental/emotional disturbances.
Taking this into consideration, we need to respect the expression and functions of the second chakra energy, and not energetically damage ourselves. When we are old enough to start dating then we should begin to for this will lead to the correct integration of the second chakra energy, and also allow healthy relationships to begin in our lives. People who have great difficulty in integrating second chakra energy are generally damaged in this area and do not lead happy, healthy, and fulfilling lives. Unhealthy behaviors and habits will begin if we dishonor any of the expressions of our chakras. As within, so without. Unhealthy relationships with sexual energy can produce a very nasty and negative personality. It is best not to start down this avenue at all. This is why we need to support and assist all people to make this area of their lives healthy.
The way to deal with addiction to lower chakra energy is explained in THE TECHNIQUES OF HELM.
EROTIC IMAGES AND PORNOGRAPHY
The Downfalls Of Glamour.
There is nothing wrong with admiring the human form in physical and sexual behaviour. Problems occur when an individual feels that they cannot form normal relationships and may become addicted to "a replacement activity", such as pornography or solitary sexual experience.
There are many grades of erotic imagery. Anything that contains harmful and degrading imagery is best avoided. Remember, 'as we think, so we become.' Harmful images will program our sexuality with damaging information, and it is very easy to fall into bad and harmful habits. Ultimately the person that we will hurt the most is ourselves.
Erotic images are usually very far from the reality of a loving and affectionate relationship between two ordinary human beings. Erotica is usually total fiction and many pornographic styles are glamorized and degrading, thus it is not a good idea to base our desires upon them. If we do, then these 'appointments', these expectations and desires, will block our ability to form a real, loving, caring, and meaningful relationship with a member of the opposite sex.
Pornography and erotic fiction can have a detrimental effect upon our social relationships. It fills our heads with fictional and unrealistic thoughts and images. It can stoke the fire of lust and become another second chakra addiction and it can very often begin to replace real relationships, which is a tragedy.
There are many educational and wonderful works about human sexuality that avoid the seediness, degradation, and fictionalized glamour of the erotic and pornographic styles. I would suggest avoiding the pornography and if you are interested in learning more about sexuality, find the harmless and benevolent works that have been made to help us understand and enhance sexual relationships - not replace them.
CELIBACY? WHAT IS THE REAL MEANING OF BRAHMACHARAYA?
The true meaning of the word brahmacharya, often misinterpreted as 'celibacy', is actually "understanding and conscious self mastery of the human expressions of life energy."
This means that we understand and consciously master the seven centers and our connections and relationships with others. Brahmacharya is not celibacy, it is understanding, right relationship, right conduct, continence, and mastery especially concerning the functioning and expressions of the second chakra.
Enforced celibacy through ignorance often means denial and causes people to become negative, judgmental, unbalanced, hostile, violent, perverted, sexually obsessed, and confused in the second chakra. We get aversion to the second chakra energy and all the resulting problems that this causes - anger, bigotry, hate, and misogyny/misandry.
In unnatural celibacy we attempt to put the second chakra into the subconscious mind where it becomes a "shadow element of the human psyche". Repression is never a good technique and does much more damage than good. In repression we think that we have solved the problem, but we are simply holding a beach ball under the surface of the water, the minute we forget the effort then the beach ball bounces up to the surface again and knocks us on the nose! In repression we are simply procrastinating, we are putting off the real solution and integration of the subject.
This is real brahmacharya, conscious self mastery of the whole personality.